He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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