it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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