I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
