His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
