I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
