you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
