Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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