dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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