I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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