She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
