3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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