If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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