Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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