I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
