erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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