so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
