i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
