My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
