i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
