I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
