Can i not drive my cunt home
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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