Your mouth is God's brothel.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
false alarm, still single
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
