Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
