Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
