We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize