i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
