I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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