I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
