I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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