Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just pee around me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
