it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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