Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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