And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
