i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
