I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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