i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
