I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize