He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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