We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize