And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
