my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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