He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
