"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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