I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
