I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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