She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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