you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The dick lei will go down in squad history
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
