i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
