when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
