Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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