smell my finger.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
