u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
