Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize