He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
