I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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