Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
