Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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