Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize