I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
