I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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