Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
