Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize