That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
