Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They have beer where we have blood.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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